I really thought I would have posted 3 months ago upon finishing the Bear 100. I thought I'd have typed out some lengthy words of inspiration, reflection, or at least have a good story to tell.
Instead, here I am 80+ days later, with not much to say about it. I injured my IT band, limped the last 40 miles, and finished 5 hours later than when I thought I would even on a "bad" day. But that's okay, too.
I'm not here to sound sorry for myself, or even suggest that this race was a bad experience. In fact, it was an excellent experience! I got to share many miles with many friends, wander through the night under a full sky of stars, and finish something that was important to me. I also learned that I don't need to run 100 miles to prove myself as a runner, or as someone who enjoys an honest adventure, or to fill my life in ways that I thought weren't even possible.
In the 90 or so days since the race, I have been filled with different sorts of memories and adventures. I've focused much of my attention on school and research, new and old friendships, and skiing (which feels awesome). I also have met someone special, who getting to know on a personal level feels nothing short of a glorious, peaceful, and energizing run through the Wasatch.
Thank you running, for providing me with such a nice comparison to all aspects of life.
I thought I would have signed up for the Bear already, on the first day the race opened, but I didn't. I instead signed up for a 40 mile ski race with my friend Travis, and haven't thought much about running at all. I now know that running will continue to be a pivotal part of my life; something I can turn to when I need it, and something that can lift me up when I'm feeling down.
I think running will understand, even if I feel like I need a bit of a break.
Ever since I started running, I have worried that I would somehow lose the special connection I feel with it. I worried that if I ever took a break from running, or find other things that fill my days with passion and joy, I wouldn't be able to go back to it. As if running were a friend, that I didn't want to let down. This is what motivated me to keep running on days that I didn't want to run, and even kept me going when my body gave out at mile 60 of the Bear.
Yes, running is just like a friend. A friend that I care deeply about. A friend who has shaped so much of the last 6 years of my life. And just as good friends do, running understands where you're at. Running trusts you, and it appreciates the amount of thought and effort you put into it. It even understand when a bit of space is needed.
Perhaps this is what running 100 miles taught me.
It helped me appreciate not just the 30 hours I spent completing the race, but the last 6 years of my life which got me to the start line. It helped me realize all the ups and downs I have encountered with running, and how they both have contributed to the reasons why I still run. Most importantly, running 100 miles made me feel fully comfortable with the relationship I share with running.
It feels nice to have entered the winter with this type of perspective, and it makes me even more excited for what the next spring and summer will bring.
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